i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
