12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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