There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
