his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
