he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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