He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
