I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
