The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
