We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
