That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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