I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nutella sex= disaster
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
