I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
