You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
