Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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