my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
