she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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