Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
