I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
