If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
