I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
