the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
