i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
