I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
