Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
