new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
