I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
