You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
