So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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