Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
