We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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