Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
