you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
