I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
