By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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