i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
