she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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