I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
