just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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