i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
