can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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