She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
