I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
