Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm always down for nudity.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
