Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
