Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
