Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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