Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
