im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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