I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
