1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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