What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
